Ageism is Fear of Your Future Self

Prejudice is fear of “The Other” but this is the other we all become one day

We’re superior. They suck. That’s otherism in a nutshell.

There’s another pandemic happening in America: an otherism pandemic. Otherism is the practice of reducing and dehumanizing those who are unlike us — whether ethnically, socio-economically, racially, politically. It’s a two-pronged process that involves the exclusion of them while simultaneously venerating ourselves. Us vs. them. Tale as old as time.

Fear of The Other is at the very core of prejudice and leads to oppression, persecution, even violence. All the “isms” — racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, transphobia — are essentially a fear of The Other, a perception that the person who is not like me is deserving of disdain, disrespect, and worse.

But there’s another ism that doesn’t get talked about quite as much: ageism. For younger folks, the elderly are yet another other. A different other. But in the case of ageism, it is a temporary other. Barring a Romeo and Juliettesque youthful exit, eventually, you are going become that other.

Instead of it being a fear of the other, ageism might well be described as a fear of your future self.

With life expectancy numbers being what they are, this is the one club that most of us will join. At some point, we’ll be ticking that ‘Over 65’ box. So, why would we exclude, mock, deride, exploit, and push to the margins of society, the very group that we will one day be a part of? Why indeed. It’s because aging is a reminder of our inevitable mortality and that, in a youth-obsessed world, is terrifying.

This ism isn’t about The Other. It’s 100% about us and us alone.

As Bill Maher noted in a recent rant on his talk show:

“Writing someone off simply for their age is the last acceptable prejudice. (Younger generations) hate every ‘ism’ but ageism.”

He’s right. Er, wrong. Oh, you know what I mean: in true Maherian fashion, he was being sarcastic but his outrage was palpable. No country in the world treats its elderly as poorly as America. Ageism is definitely not acceptable. Not here. Not anywhere.

It’s become verboten in comedy circles to write jokes about race, gender, weight, disability (correctly so), and yet, it’s still perfectly acceptable to make cracks about older folks. To generalize habits, personality, appearance, and ability is stereotyping and it’s a key component of othering.

There is an expectation set, an assumption of what one will encounter with this or that group. While there is some statistical accuracy in stereotyping, it disregards the individual and makes it impossible to see a person for who they are. For the record, not every older person wants you to get off their lawn.

Progressive Insurance has a series of hilarious commercials featuring Dr. Rick, a Boomer self-help guru who teaches new homeowners how not to turn into their parents. He runs seminars in which he teaches students how to open a PDF or pronounce the word “quinoa”. The comedy works because those on the receiving end of the joke are not elderly people, but rather, barely middle-aged folks experiencing the universal fear of turning into their parents. It’s a delicate line and the campaign navigates it beautifully. Progressive’s tagline is: “We can’t prevent you from becoming your parents, but we can help you save on insurance.”

I have some good news: you are never going to turn into your parents. No one ever has. No one ever will. You can’t turn into “The Other”, you can only become more of yourself. Your elderly self is in there, waiting. You should learn to embrace that soul with kindness, empathy, and understanding. Start practicing that now by treating older folks, others, with the same respect and love you hope to receive one day. Remember, karma’s got a long memory.

No one deserves to be marginalized. Least of all you.

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